Unlearning Survival Habits.
The thing about making it through to the other side of a traumatic experience is that a large part of the healing is going to come from unlearning the habits you developed in order to survive - either emotionally or physically.
There can be shame that comes with the slow realization you stood by as you watched yourself drown. There can be shame in the reassurance you now have to intentionally tell yourself in order to combat the suppressing beliefs that have become your new normal.
I want you to take a deep breath and give yourself grace.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Trying to give someone else your love with pure intention is never something you should be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong by falling in love.
Sometimes “love” should just be in quotations, if I’m being honest.
All of the survival habits, routines and thought processes you have been maintaining to survive the toxic environment you were trying to operate in will quickly become too restrictive for you now that you’ve stepped out of the comfort zone you created.
What worked in the middle of it all, won’t work in your expansion. The survival habits were meant to keep you small, my love.
And we’re not pretending to be small any longer.
Right now you’re reclaiming your space. You're shifting to open up in ways that show the universe you are ready for all that you’ve been saying you wanted.
You can move freely. You can feel your emotions fully. You can revel in the carefreeness that comes with standing in the light.
Can you feel that calmness around you? That’s what it feels like to let your fight-or-flight responses rest. Don’t allow it to be unsettling. Lean into the peace it provides.
So how do we heal the survival habits we’ve acquired?
I’ve found a few things that work.
Call it out. When you start to have thoughts or succumb to a narrative aimed at putting you down, listen. Listen to what those thoughts and feelings are actually saying. Then take a step back and pinpoint where they originated. If it was outside of yourself, let it go. If it was to please someone else, let it go.
Identify the benefit. How do you benefit from keeping yourself small? Is it comfortable? How do you benefit from demeaning yourself? Does it feel familiar? Once you can identify why you would continue certain behaviors and habits, you can assess where you need to focus your healing efforts.
Find the denial. If you keep these survival habits that only serve in keeping you down, what do you deny yourself? Get very clear on the life, opportunities, experiences, love and joy you’d be giving up if you stayed operating in the belief that broke you down. Focus on the obvious and do what is best for you.
Look where you feel defensive. What comments, people, or situations make you immediately feel the need to defend yourself? Peel back the layers there. What narrative are you holding on to here? Can you retell it another way? Find what you’re missing and put some attention to working through those feelings.
A few other things I know:
Love is not conditional
You don’t have to hide your authentic self in order to be lovable
Your feelings are safe. Your feelings are worthy
Emotional connection is the standard
You don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved
You are enough
You deserve to be desired
And remember. We’re all in this together.