Ditch the Gaslighting. Overcome Imposter Syndrome.

We hear a lot about imposter syndrome lately. Especially in spaces that involve women stepping out on any type of faith. 

So what is it? 

Imposter Syndrome is when you feel that you aren’t qualified to be occupying a space/position, even though you are qualified. It’s also when you question your competence, despite having the skills & abilities to complete the tasks ahead of you.

No surprise that imposter syndrome is more common in women.

But I’m here to question if this is truly something that happens internally? Like, are we doing this to ourselves?

I used to think the blame was on me & reading self-development books, reciting mantras, etc was going to help me cure this imposter syndrome thing.

Then I started to dig deeper & if I’m being honest I’ve begun to shift the blame. 

In doing so, I’m relieving myself of some of the pressure & making more room for grace. 

What do I mean?

Hear me out. What happens when a person (looking at Black women here) is constantly given negative feedback.

Told things like your ambition makes you less likable & unrelatable and wow, you sure are doing a lot, what about being a mom. Things like that.

Then when you’re stressed, need some me-time, or get angry & overwhelmed, you’re told things such as you need to step up, don’t be selfish. (exhibit a: our community niece Simone)

What if our imposter syndrome is spoon-fed to us by the patriarchy & it’s racial stereotype sibling. 

That means one thing. It’s not by default that you don’t believe in yourself. 

It’s not personal that our sisters harbor an internal hatred that gets projected onto each other’s successes & audacity to bet on ourselves.

Have you heard of the term discriminatory gaslighting? If not, look it up. 

When we remove the fact that it is human error or a personal mental hurdle, we give ourselves more room to take up the space we deserve. Full stop on deserve. 

In this space, we can do a few things to shift our mindset on overcoming imposter syndrome - which was never for us.

1. Separate feeling from fact in the moment. When you start to feel like you don’t belong, or that you are not qualified to do something. Stop. Take a few deep breaths & either mentally or physically make a list. What experience or skills do you have that indicate you can do the thing? What are you telling yourself right now? How does your list of abilities debunk what you’re telling yourself? Stomp out fear with facts. 

2. Set boundaries. Always. But especially here. Identify what triggers your disbelief in regards to what you can & can’t do, and remove it. People. Social media accounts. Email chains. And if you can’t remove yourself completely, find a way to minimize interaction & do something nice for yourself before and after.

3. Make peace with your mistakes. Take some time to think about all the ways your mistakes have actually led you to become the bad ass bitch you are right now. Why do mistakes get such a bad name? They just mean you tried for something. Keep flexing those muscles. 

4. Visualize Success. See yourself at your best. Visualize yourself as the person you are working on becoming. Feel what it is like to be here. Be grateful for what is in your life because she exists. Rewrite your internal script by visiting this visualization often. 

5. Affirmations. When facing something you start to fear you aren’t “good enough” for, create a mantra that solidifies you are good enough. For example, if you’re facing a new client and one of the 3 things they need from you is something you don’t have a lot of experience with. So you start telling yourself, you’re going to fail & they’re going to find out you aren’t qualified, and in return not pay your invoice. Say to yourself I am capable of xx. I have what it takes to present work that makes the client happy. My work is deserving of a bonus. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

I’m over imposter syndrome. It makes me feel like I don’t actually belong & that is a belief I refuse to subscribe to.

You coming with me?