Natural Hair Journey: How Our Children Teach Us to Love Our Curls

Sometimes the most shifting, changing, and altering realizations we experience come from the voices closest to us. Not because they show us something new, but because they mirror back our own journey – reminding us of the paths we've walked and the battles we've fought to find our way home to ourselves. They challenge us to remember where we've been, so we can better light the way for others.

Recently, I received an email that took me back to my own moment like this – one that so many of us have walked. The words could have been pulled from my own journal years ago, and I know they echo in the hearts of countless others who are still finding their way to self-love.

Dear Empowered by Melanin,

I've been sitting with this truth for a while now, trying to find the right words. Every weekend, like clockwork, I've been straightening my hair. It's become such a ritual that I barely question it anymore. But my son? He's seven, and he sees everything.

The other day, he was playing with his curls in the mirror, beaming with this pure joy that only kids seem to have. He turned to me and said, "Mama, why don't you let your hair be free like mine?" Just like that, my little boy held up a mirror to something I've been running from my entire life.

You see, I've spent years hearing my aunties tell me my natural curls are beautiful. They'd say it with such conviction, such pride. And I wanted to believe them – God, I wanted to. But every time I looked in magazines or walked into a corporate office or attended a "professional" event, that belief would shrink a little more.

Now my son wants to start his loc journey, and he's so excited about it. He walks around the house talking about how his hair is "growing toward the sun." But when he asked me why I don't wear my natural curls, I froze. How do you explain to a child that you're afraid of being too much in a world that often asks you to be less?

The truth feels heavy: I'm scared. I've wrapped that fear in prettier words – "it's easier to manage straight," "it's more professional," "it's just what I'm used to." But watching my son embrace his natural hair with such freedom has made me question everything. How can I teach him to love every part of himself when I'm still hiding parts of me?

I guess what I'm really asking is: how do you start loving something you've been taught to tame?

With hope, Learning to Love My Curls

Reading this letter, I felt every word in my bones. That fear of being "too much"? I've carried it. That weekly straightening ritual? I've lived it. That moment when a child's innocent question strips away all your carefully constructed reasons? I've stood in that mirror, facing those same truths.

When your reflection doesn't appear in the world around you, it's easy to start believing it doesn't belong. I know because I've been her for a lot of my life – searching the faces around me, television screens, and any room I enter for permission to exist as I am. But here's what I've learned: our hair isn't just hair. It stands for so much more - and it always has. It's a conversation we're having with ourselves about who we allow ourselves to be.

So it's always going to be about so much more than hair. It's about the pieces of ourselves we've been taught to hide, the parts we're afraid to claim as beautiful. I see it in so many conversations with other Black women who are tired of shrinking themselves to fit into spaces that weren't built with her in mind.

Let me tell you what I wish someone had told me: the moment we begin to love the parts of ourselves we were taught to hide, we open the door for the next generation to walk through it with pride. Your son's excitement about his locs? That's not just about hair – that's about freedom. You did that. That's about possibilities. You planted that seed. This is about breaking cycles of shame that were never ours to carry in the first place.

To the mama writing this letter: I see you. I've been you. And let me tell you what's waiting on the other side of this fear – a version of yourself so magnificent it'll take your breath away. Start small:

• Try wearing your curls at home first, where it's safe to experiment and feel all your feelings

• Take pictures of your journey – not just of your hair, but of your smile as it gets bigger, your eyes as they get brighter

• Find your people – whether online or in person – who celebrate the path you're on

• Remember that healing isn't linear – some days you'll feel like the baddest version of yourself, others you'll reach for that straightener. Both are okay.

For those watching someone you love walk this path – whether it's your friend, your sister, your colleague – understand that your role matters too. Love is never enough, even more so love isn’t just a feeling - it's action. Learn our history. Understand why "it's just hair" will never be true for us. Create spaces where our natural beauty isn't just tolerated but celebrated.

Every step you take toward loving yourself a little deeper, with a little more authenticity, you take a step closer to healing generations of unspoken pain. And watching your son beam with pride about his natural hair? That's not just beautiful – that's revolutionary. That's generational healing in action.

You're not just choosing a hairstyle – you're choosing freedom. You're choosing joy. You're choosing to show up in the world as exactly who you are. And trust me, nothing has ever looked more beautiful on us than that.

Remember: your hair reaches toward the sky because it remembers where it came from. And so do you.

#EmpoweredByMelanin